Dating is like riding a bycycle

So, I enjoy riding BART (the light-rail system where I live).

Being in a relationship is like riding the train. Usually it is predictable, reliable, comfortable and enjoyable; on occasion there's a fire on the track and you're 3 hours late to work - but not often.

Dating is like riding bike; once you learn how, you'll always retain the skill. However, the air-conditioned train sure sounds nice in late July. On the other hand, though, under the right conditions a nice ride can be fun.

The dating front is going going okay, I guess. I've been talking to someone, but, I'm trying to play it cool so as not to come on to strong. Which sucks cause she's F-in AWESOME! Also, it was on the stupid internet, so I feel kinda lame just about the whole thing at times.

D.

Feeling down today

So, I'm actively trying to date again and it tends to overwhelm me. Under every new leaf I turn over I can see the potential of what might be. But, it so often leads to nowhere that I get disheartened and retreat to solitude again.

I'm always afraid I'll say to much and end up not saying enough.

"The Chasers Paradox"

In order to maintain a romantic relationship there are three constants that must be present in both parties involved:

1). Compatibility of personalities*
2). A deep connection of friendship admiration*
3). Mutual physical attraction*

*none of which can be merely in passing

Much as with "laws of diminished returns" finding #1, #2, & #3 become harder as one narrows the focus of the search for a partner. I mean, honestly, 45% of the population wants to date the other 45% - and they have a hard time! If you take into account relative scarcity of transwomen which is approx. 1 in 4,500 birth assigned males vs. the over all US male population of approx. 153 million you see a clear case of demand over stripping supply. Although, admittedly the percent of men who are "chasers" is unknown.

"Chasers" often find #1 & #2 in a natal women and figure "Heck, two outta three ain't bad." The problem is with this model, though, is that living in an sexually unfulfilled/frustrating relationship leads to resentment, guilt, and eventually cheating.

So, with all of this as a given the "Chasers Paradox" is:

You can lower your expectations and settle, or, you can not settle, and more likely then not, never find a partner.

my humble origins AKA a bit of a Bio. PART 3

Well, with the desolving of M****'s & my relationship I made a conscious choice; I was determined to be pro-active about figuring out my sexuality confusion issues. Up to that I had really limited experiences in general. Using the scientific method I would figure out, by process of elimination, where I stood in the whole gender/sexuality spectrum (in other words I'd whore it up a little - rebounded style).

Well, long story short I slept around a bunch and learned something conclusively: boys just don't do it for me. Which, I actually was kinda bummed me out, sense it seems to me, at this point in life, to be an easy "out" compared to my current sexual proclivity.

Then I discovered Craig's List. Up until that point, perhaps naïvely, I had thought TS women were as rare as unicorns & blue moons. Anyways, I responded to an add and met a pretty out-of-this world girl. Although, in hindsight we were probably no good for each other.

M******* was a rocker through and through (just like yours truly!). We had really similar world views. we were two peas in a pod pretty much.

She was also a sex worker - she was up front with that fact, though. By that point I was aware (thanks again to CL) was pretty common, and it didn't really bother me that much. Well, we dated for over a year, and it was probably the most fun/self-destructive period of my whole life.

From this experience learned a lot. I also developed my theory of "The Chaser's Paradox"

Stay tuned and I'll tell it to you
(although I don't think anyone is actually reading my blog - oh well!)

my humble origins AKA a bit of a Bio. PART 2

High school was much better then Junior High. The HS I went to had something like 3,000 students so I kinda floated by in anonymity most of the time and I kinda flourished. I actually excelled academically to and got mostly A's to the delight of my parents. My junior year I transfered schools which was a big change. I went from a 3,000+ student public school - where a the adolescen/prison yard mentality prevailed - to a small alternative continuation school that was envisioned as a safe place for special or at risk kids who didn't fit the norm (translation lots of LBGT students, artistic/creative kids, punk rockers, goths, and hippies). Anyways, I look back very fondly at 11th and 12th grade for many reasons.

It was at ****** High that I figured out a lot about my identity. After "dating" N*** I had become a little more confident. In 9th and 10th grade I had a more active social life and made a few (ahem) friends both of the male and female persuasion. At my new high school I met L**** who went to an alternative school because the students where she had gone before didn't appreciate awkward femmey boys become really cool girls. We became really close friends and started dating the summer between my Junior and Senior year. So at about 18 things clicked, although, I probably couldn't verbalize it so "eloquently" at the time. I am attracted to a clearly defined male/female dynamic in the context of a relationship, but I enjoy the presence of 2 peni during the sex act.

Ah mystery solved....or is it? probably not (hint, Murphy's law applies)

Well me and L**** dated for about a year after I finished high school. We eventually went our separate ways over differences; I was an immature 19 year old who mainly wanted to drink beer, work on my car and save up money for college, which was okay by her as a great "fuck you for standing in my way, dad!" kinda high school BF. But, when she graduated she went to college in SoCal and that was the end of us. I actually took it really hard and didn't date at all for 2 years.

Flash 3 years down the road. I did 2 years of college, but then dropped out to work with the plan to go back in about a year (which ended up more 5). I met a girl named M****. She was cool an looked almost exactly like Betty Page, I didn't know that she was initially I didn't know that she was "my type" of girl, so I ignored her advances whicle she pursued me for a while, we ended up dating for nearly 2 years.


to be continued.....

my humble origins AKA a bit of a Bio. PART 1

I was born is sunny California in the early 80's, in some ways I had a totally idillic childhood - my parents, who are still together after like 40 years, provided a warm, supportive, and loving home. In other ways though, things were kinda rough. Growing up I always knew I was kinda different; for example I was pretty sure I was the only boy on the block whose ***** was molesting him, which kinda put a damper on my child-like wonderment. On the plus side though, I never had to lie about not being a virgin in high school (I know, making fun of molestation isn't healthy, but sometimes laughing is the only way to keep from crying). So basically I was a freaked out, traumatized, inverted little kid.

Flash to adolescence. I had all the usual sexuality confusions that are normal with development. I thought girls were really interesting but terribly intimidating. Middle school was s***y. I got bullied a lot; the other boys didn't like the shy, somewhat effeminate 13 year old who was kinda a train-wreck identity wise.

The summer between 7th and 8th grade (I was 13 going on 14) I started "dating" an older boy who lived a few blocks (he was 17, which I know is a bit dodgey) I thought he was really cool; he smoked, he had a car, he treated me not like shit. Anyways, we "dated" all summer and towards the end I started to have some pretty deep feelings for him and said so. He promised to stay in touch when he went away to college. But, I never really heard from him after he went away to school.

Well being all broke up about my shattered puppy-lovin' let down I confided in my fag-hag in training best friend - who promptly told everybody what was going on! In her defense, I don't think she thought what she was doing was that big of a deal. I think she thought pushing me out of the closet would help me out somehow. Anyways, long story short, 8th grade was MUCH worse then 7th.

But I learned to valuable lessons from the experience: 1). Guys often will do anything to get into a boy's/girl's/etc.'s pants! 2). NEVER kiss and tell!

The first of many to come AKA an introduction

Well welcome to my blog. For those of you who care to read this is going to be a chronicle of my present, and past, experiences dating transsexual women. I hope for it to be an outlet for me to express my feelings, think out loud, sometimes complain, and make a few observations on occasion.

In the course of writing this blog I will always aim for complete honesty, to that end I've decided to do it in a somewhat anonymous way as I plan to share some deeply personal beeswax from time-to-time.

D.