Over time I've become aware of a emotional phenomenon that has occurred to many trans-women I've known. Although, I imagine it is not by all means universal, in my experience, it is startlingly common. I would say that a startling percentage of TS girls I've either known as friends, or dated, had highly pessimistic view of love and romance. It seems to me to be a probably natural "burn-out" response, which functions as a defense mechanism, and is brought on as a result of dealing with asshole guys.
In dealing with my own issues with depression, I have found that jaded complacency is a key enemy. The fatalistic cavalier attitude that one hold while in a depressive state is wrong, it does not create any constructive progress. Now I have no idea if this is even a fare comparison, but this is what I do know.
Seeing a person I care about suffering in such a way hurts. I wonder if they will ever heal from their wounds or will mistrust and emotional numbness consume them. It hurts when someone I'm in a relationship with, or want to be in a relationship with, has been so badly treated in th past that to prove my good intentions is near impossible. It hurts when I see friends sabotaging their relationships.
D.
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