cocoons, butterflies, and Frankenstein Monsters

I have a friend named "A," whom I've known for years. I've watched her go through dramatic changes in her life. "A" has always been a reliable, upright, caring, and no nonsense friend. About a year ago she had a Laparoscopic Gastric Band put in and has sense lost A LOT of weight. Her most dramatic changes have been mental, rather then physical, however. She has become a very different person; she's become self-involved, shallow, and not a very good friend. In short, while she's become "hot" she has also become a less beautiful person.

Call it what you will, ugly duckling syndrome, the "clueless factor," getting to big for one's breaches, a chronic swollen head - it's a trait I've seen in many people.

A friend of mine once spoke of here transition saying, "I went from being a chubby awkward boy, to a voluptuous bombshell. I was a nobody then I was the object of everyones desire." Thinking about that, I can see how such drastic change might go to a persons head.

I've always been the long-shot pick, to short and to skinny as a kid, not tall enough and to fat as a teenager, and always the four-eyed nerd. I have no idea how a sudden change would effect me, I've always been the "nice average guy." Perhaps people who actualize drastic transformation find there whole world view skewed out of perspective and have to adjust. It just really hurts to be left in the dust of someone you care abouts journey.

D.

Lonsome Train (Down A Lonsome Track)

Sometimes while sheltering in the awkward little bubble that is my own stream of consciousness, I wonder if others go through the same social anxiety that I do. I wonder if interpersonal relations are the cause of the same nervousness for others as they are for me.

Hanging on every call, every text, every inflection of voice. Hoping, praying, pleading with the universe for strength and courage to let her know how I feel.